
It’s weird what distance does to the warmest of souls. Me for instance… my father complains that I have become detached from home. “How else are u supposed to bear with long distances?” - I ask him. And I hate to admit it, but my town doesn’t give me many opportunities. But its haunting me nowadays – that while I’m busy living my youth, my parents are getting older. In the last 6 years, I’ve witnessed my mother’s eyesight going weaker, she developed sacrolitis tuberculosis, cannot walk for more than 500 metres… my dad developing back ache (he is one tough man…he looks bad when weak)…
And now its time for my brother to move on too… He has his own interests, aspirations…would move on to a big city. It’s a known secret amongst family and friends that my parents don’t exactly love each other. I haven’t seen them kissing (I wish I had), never saw their doors latched, never saw them hugging, they never wanted privacy, they never talked, never travelled alone, never saw into each others eyes, never held hands, never walked together, never wanted to see the same television channel, never shared any interests… now that’s where my worries begin. They simply can’t be with each other alone! Old age would surely force them to live through it all collectively, but… I know how agitated they would feel in the absence of a third party (always acting as an anaesthesia). I remember hearing them fight and putting on my headphones to stop the noise, I remember my brother do the same when he grew up. I so didn’t want bhai to go through all of this hoping against hope that they would fall in love as time passes by…but they never did.
I feel like an advocate between them, but for whom do I advocate…and nobody dares to be the judge! How do I solve all this? Is it even my business? Yes it is – no its not …huh…
And that is why I need to study, really study–make it my second nature to know literature to the core. That is the only way to become a superb lecturer some day. Nonetheless, I don’t want to leave my passion for journalism. The profession freaks out old folks…but mannn those fashionistas, those fake smiles, those hidden intentions, rushed interviews, colleague tittle-tattle, girlfriend scandals, perks, drives, champagne, celebrities – I loved it till I lived it! And I want to live it again…I hope they let me.
Assimilating my life and my family life is a charge I need to embark on charily.
Things won’t be straight ever but I need to clear the stairway to move out and take in some air…
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