What's wrong in here?

I bared my vulnerability and idiocy again. I don’t care if I sound like a sadist twice in a row and I really don’t care about the imperfectness of my language tonight. I mean, this is unfair. Every time I unbolt myself to swing to a different tune, the tune stops playing altogether. I’m not creating suspense here, obviously I’m heart broken! Men are escapists, aren’t they? Or are stupid flings just supposed to work this way? Or am I an idiot who thinks too much? Gosh, I have no idea. I just know that I felt that terrible pain and soreness in my heart today and I hated the feeling, I love to sleep and it ruins my sleep. I despise the fact that I literally feel rejected sometimes. What’s wrong with me? I’m not good enough or what!

Anyways so, I’ve been exercising like crazy since the last 10 days and am quite conscious about my wellbeing. However, people just want to pounce on you and tell you that you look imperfect. In this sense, some of my friends like Vandana, Esha, Ankita, Vijay, Kamal, My mom, Ishan baby and ofcource Sumit makes me feel fine. I don’t feel irregular with such people. Sumit loves me so much in that sense. I mean he’s not strict on me, yet resolute to help me when I want it. He finds me beautiful, the way I am and doesn’t fret staying for a lifetime with me. It’s so comforting to know that there is at least someone who’s fine with what I have and what I don’t possess. However, my relationship did not survive because of me and my practicalities of mind. I think I would soon skip those blockages in my head and be happy.

Nevertheless, I wish I could be perceived non-judgmentally to people I want to. I wish I could blind them off my imperfections, which don’t even pose a threat to my unconditional attachment towards them… I wish it was a success story this time. But then, men are escapists, aren’t they? Or maybe I anticipate for the wrong blokes…